Who Knew Hair Could be So Controversial

When I was younger I asked my mother, “Does it mean I want to be white because I wear a relaxer?” My mother replied, “No, you can wear your hair however the hell you want to!” I was maybe around 11 or so and I can’t recall what prompted me to ask her this question, probably some discussion at school…who knows?


Now I’m quickly approaching 27 and hair is still an issue. On December 18th, I will have officially been relaxer aka “creamy crack” free for one year. If you have been living under a rock, then maybe you have yet to notice the multitude of black women going “natural.” Someone goes “natural” when they have decided to stop chemically straightening their hair. For most, including myself, this is a huge decision because of current standards of beauty: long and straight. I considered going natural for about a year before I finally got the nerve to do it. I had the usual reservations: how would I look, will it effect how I am seen on my job, will men find me attractive, etc.


After waiting hours in the salon despite being on time for my appointment for the zillionth time, I finally decided to go natural. Once I made the decision, I didn’t turn back. Women make the decision for plenty of reasons. I made it because (a) I was bored with my hair-I loved my super cute and short ‘do, but after rocking it for about three years, I was bored; and (b) I was tired of being a slave to my hair-I stayed in the hair salon, it felt like a part-time job, then I would run from the tiniest bit of water or sweat…I was over it.

After confiding in my hair stylist, that I was worried about how I would look with natural hair, she said to me in a matter of fact sort of way, “You’re going to look like yourself.” It was at that moment, I felt like she hit me over the head with a can of V8. Like duh, why didn’t I think of that?! So I begin to make the transition from relaxed hair to natural hair.

Overall, I have received a lot of positive feedback during this journey. I’ve also gotten a lot of compliments from men and women. But it has truly been an eye-opening realization about some of the deep-seeded self-hate that continues to plague the black community. The sad part about it is that it’s so much apart of our mentality we don’t even notice that we’re saying something wrong. I am not against relaxing one’s hair. I did it for a very long time and I’m not saying that I will never do it again. I’m just saying that we still have some complexes concerning race. Among the compliments, I also meet a lot of women, who want to go natural, but are fearful of the response or are already natural, but wear weaves because there scared to rock their natural hair. To me that is not okay. It’s your hair; it grew out of your head. You should not be ashamed of something that is you.


Some of the comments I have heard this past year, mostly from other black people have been quite disheartening. A frequent question that I got when I told people I was transitioning (going natural) was, “What type of hair do you have?” People were really obsessed with my curl pattern. One woman in the hair salon I frequented stated that she didn’t have the ‘right type’ of hair to go natural. Or I got that look of horror as someone asked, “Why?”


Lately, my personal favorite has been the back-handed compliment. You know the one where the person really doesn’t have anything nice to say, but they don’t want to be mean or maybe they really are trying to be nice-nasty. One church member told me that she didn’t expect me to have that “quality of hair” and “that at least my hair wasn’t nappy.” Another one that I have gotten a couple of times is “I liked the ‘Monica’ look on you,” referring to the short hair cut I rocked previously.


I really wish we would stop subscribing to a standard of beauty that wasn’t created for us and realize that our differences are what make us great. One of the things I love about my hair is its versatility. I truly can wear my hair however the hell I want to. In the meantime, I will do just that ;-)

Ms. Jas

Bah Humbug and the Christmas Blues

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As the Christmas holiday quickly approaches, I have tried to force feed myself some Christmas joy by walking through the holiday decoration aisles of Wal-Mart and Hobby Lobby. It didn’t work. I can not bare the thought of holiday movies and anytime I hear a Christmas song on the radio, I quickly change the station. Now I have not been spreading my Scrooge-like tendencies to others who are indeed enjoying this holiday season. I have been kind enough to keep all of this to myself until now.


I haven’t always been like this. Christmas is usually a big production at my house. My parents go all in. Even though my brother and I are adults, they still wait until the night before Christmas to put presents under the tree that are signed, “From: Mr. and Mrs. Claus.” My mom buys Christmas shirts and hats for everyone, we go to church on Christmas Eve and open our presents listening to my mother’s Soulful Christmas CD. Now that I have been living in Texas for the past couple of years, Christmas has been the only time of the year that I have gotten to see my family because I’m too busy being a grown-up.

One thing that I’ve learned since I’ve moved farther away is that people from home don’t come to visit you as often as you like. They actually prefer you come to see them instead of the other way around. Last Christmas, I was so frustrated by this notion as well as the ridiculous amount of money I spend on holiday travel that I said that I wouldn’t be coming home this Christmas.

This April, my mom passed away. Last Christmas was the last Christmas that I spent with her. I am so thankful that I didn’t give into my Scrooge-like tendencies then and I haven’t even missed the money that I spent. This year I will be going back home as usual to spend the Christmas holiday with my family. I expect it to be difficult; needless to say that this growing expectation has probably stifled my holiday joy.

I once heard that the holiday season is the time of year when depression increases the most. Given my current situation, I do not find this surprising at all. A lot of people look forward to the holidays because they finally get to use that vacation time they’ve been saving up to see family and friends. When we lose someone close to us, life will be difficult to handle at times, especially around the holidays. I encourage whoever is reading this to take a minute outside of the holiday hustle and bustle to be there for someone…it can be as simple as a hug, smile, compliment, or an open ear and heart. You never know who might need it the most.

Ms. Jas

The Adventures of Sweet Thang, Pt. 2

"Wobble Wobble" Bread Pudding

The adventure continues with my “Wobble Wobble” Bread Pudding. For some strange reason, I’ve been wanting to make bread pudding for a while now and with the weather finally starting to get cooler I figured this would be the perfect dessert to kick off the fall season.

Let me start off by saying this is my very first time making bread pudding and my second time trying the dessert. Please do not ask me, “What in the world possessed you to make bread pudding if you have no idea what it tastes like?” because I don’t know. Prior to making what a turned out to be a pretty on point pudding, I tried the bread pudding at a local café that shall remain nameless. It was a mini-bread pudding served with a vanilla sauce. I didn’t really care for it. I dismissed the idea that I didn’t like bread pudding. Instead I decided that their form of bread pudding was a little too plain for me. After that experience, I scoured the internet for bread pudding recipes and settled on a recipe I found in the Dessert Bible.

I modified the recipe just a little bit…instead of using whole milk; I used almond milk (I don’t like plain whole milk) and omitted the bourbon. I don’t own bourbon nor do I drink it, so I thought it would be a waste of money to buy some because I would never use it again…the recipe only called for 3 teaspoons.

I did make a small mistake. I soaked all 8 cups of my bread cubes in the custard mixture instead of the six it called for; I was supposed to leave 2 cups of the bread dry. But being the resourceful individual I am, I was able to recover and it didn’t ruin the ending result.

I have to be honest, after taking the first bite, I wasn’t really sure if I liked it. I took a couple more bites and realized the texture was throwing me off. Since I’ve never eaten custard before, it took me a few minutes to get used to the gooey texture. There was a variation in the texture which I enjoyed; it was caused by the dry, crispy bread on top of the custard. The cinnamon and nutmeg reminded me of French toast…my favorite thing to have for breakfast.

All in all, I have to say the amateur pastry chef did a great job again. The best part about making the bread pudding was I already had the ingredients in my fridge and pantry. I even video-taped the whole process and I will be editing and posting it pretty soon. Look out for “Switchin’ in the Kitchen.”

Until we meet again…

Sweet Thang

Do Black-Owned Businesses Get a Pass?

As a child, my mother instilled in me the importance of supporting local businesses in my community. We were always giving our support to black-owned businesses and healthcare providers. As a result of what my mother instilled in me…whenever I can, I support black-owned businesses.

Recently, I have had some not-so-great and down right horrible experiences with a few local black-owned and operated businesses which have led me to ask this question, “Do black-owned businesses get a pass?” After being a regular supporter of black-owned businesses for many years, I noticed that we have a tendency to “put up” with some stuff that we normally wouldn’t accept at maybe a larger chain, like poor customer service. Now before I continue, let me say I know that there are a lot more black-owned businesses that offer quality products and superb customer service. However, they are several businesses that offer equally bad service, yet remain open and successful.

For example, I went to a well-known soul food restaurant in the Houston area. I love soul food, but I don’t usually cook it. I surveyed my friends on what were the best soul food restaurants in town and this name popped up a few times. I arrived to the restaurant in a pleasant mood and eager to try the Texas version of soul food. What I received was one of the most horrible customer experiences ever from the server and the cashier and some alright food. Even though the food was just “okay” and the service was even worse, the line continued to grow. When I told a friend who also recommended the restaurant about my experience, she told me I would just have to “put up” with it because the food was just that good. Well it wasn’t that damn good and I haven’t been back since.

More recently I attended a fashion show…and once again I was super excited because I love clothes and I’m always looking for something different, so I can say “You ain’t got des.” The doors opened at 7pm and we arrived at 8:30pm. The bar and the food remained closed until the show started almost an hour after we arrived. The only seats that were available were pool chairs that were “VIP,” so by the end of the evening my butt was numb from sitting on a stone wall. And the designs were poorly sewn with jacked-up hem lines. Despite these factors, the fashion show attracted a large crowd. I was so disappointed I left during the intermission and I was not only asking the above question, but I also wondered aloud, “Just because you stitch fur on a metallic gold bikini, does it make it an original design?”

I have even worked for black-owned organizations where employees and volunteers repeatedly complained about their treatment, yet returned year after year to help keep the business alive for over 20 years. They were willing to overlook some poor business practices to move the cause forward.

I am in favor of black economic growth. I want to see my people achieve the wonderful heights that I know we are more than capable of ascending to. However, don’t expect me to lower my standards just because you’re my “brother’ or “sister.” When you expect more, you get more…a statement that applies to many facets of life. If these same businesses improved upon simple practices, imagine how much more successful they would be. It’s difficult to own and operate a business regardless of your race or skin color, but like most things in life…it’s a little more difficult for people of color.

What do you think? Do we tend to overlook certain undesirable practices in the name of solidarity? Has anyone had a similar experience to those mentioned?

Ms. Jas

The Adventures of Sweet Thang, Part 1

So for those who know me personally, they know that I have a serious sweet tooth. They also know that I like to bake. As a child, I remember watching my grandmother bake from scratch, pound cakes and sweet potato pies. My mother also made a serious chocolate cake. I can also remember my grandmother clipping recipes and watching Mr. Food on the Channel 4 news and taking notes. Even though I was pretty young, I have always wished that I had paid close attention to the memorized recipes, especially since both my grandmother and mother have since passed away. Though what I did manage to learn from them is that baking isn’t just edible chemistry, it’s love.

Before I relocated, I would bake for my roommates and friends all the time. And I really enjoyed it. It’s been several months since I’ve baked anything simply because I have no one to bake for. I moved to a new city with very few friends. So as a result, when I bake a cake, I end up eating the entire thing by myself because I don’t want to waste it (which makes perfect sense, right?). Luckily, I have high metabolism and I don’t notice the fact that I’ve eaten an entire cake (usually in a week or less) in the form of pounds. Although my high metabolism is beneficial, I knew that I couldn’t continue eating whole cakes, so I stopped baking.

Well, lately I’ve had this nagging desire to bake something…anything. I’ve been ignoring it for a few weeks now, but tonight I gave into temptation with a batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. This is my very first time baking cookies from scratch. I normally buy them out of the freezer section. Needless to say it was pretty challenging. A couple of hours, some blood, light perspiration, almost a couple of tears, and two trips to Wal-Mart later…I emerged with a batch of my “Not Your Average Oatmeal Cookies.”

The perfectionist in me would love to brag about how I effortlessly executed the recipe found in cookbook as if I had developed it myself, but that’s not quite what happened. I managed to get my teaspoon and my tablespoon mixed up and I didn’t realize it until it was too late. As a result two of the ingredients (vanilla extract and baking powder) were a little on the “heavy-handed” side. After I realized what I had done, I almost started to cry and immediately I wanted to call my mother and ask her what to do. But I couldn’t, so I managed to pull myself together, scoop some of the baking powder out…it was too late for the vanilla extract since I had already mixed it in and continued on my little baking adventure. The cookies actually turned out pretty good. Admittedly, they don’t taste like the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from Potbelly’s, but they are pretty tasty.

I enjoyed this experience so much that I decided to bake and perfect a different dessert every month. I'm actually considering it an adventure and like most adventures there are bound to be a few missteps which I will be totally honest about. "Sweet Thang" is my baking personality. I like it not only because I like the song, but it also adds a little sass to something many consider very domestic. Until we meet again...Sweet Thang

A Little Experiment…

One day after taking one too many phone calls while sitting in a tight, poorly lit cubicle…I was in desperate need of some fresh air. Luckily, my lunch break was right around the corner, so I decided to make a completely random trip to Target. I figured it would be an awesome way to stretch my legs and clear my head.

Somehow I ended up in the book aisle. I say “somehow” because I usually buy books at a local secondhand book store or online. But I had some time to kill, so I drifted to the book section. And I happened to creep upon The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. The book is basically about how one woman, the author, creates and participates in a project designed to make her happier. She is not clinically depressed. She is just a bogged down by everyday life. So she takes small measures to improve her overall happiness, such as exercising, making time for her friends, and even buying a little happiness. Within reading the first few pages, I related to this woman because lately, I have also been having this suffocating feeling of “Is this it?”  I'm not "unhappy,"  but every so often I do have feelings of dissatisfaction.

I wanted to keep reading it, so naturally I purchased the book (it was 20% off, yay!!) as well as some bowls and cups (even more random, I know). While reading the book, I felt inspired to start my own happiness project. Like Rubin, I will begin by writing out a set of personal commandments, and then eventually move on to monthly tasks/experiments to improve my happiness. Here goes nothing…

1. Be Jasmine
2. Loosen up a little
3. Be nice, even when I don’t feel like it
4. Don’t take it personal
5. Don’t wait until the last minute
6. It’s okay to put myself first sometimes
7. Don’t be so hard on myself
8. Double-check my attitude and my ego
9. Listen, then speak
10. Forgive and move on

Feel free to mention any principles, you live by…

Ms. Jas

Seasons and Reasons

So I recently deleted my profile from a social networking website, and a thought crossed my mind. Are we really supposed to stay connected with every person we come into contact with? Remember that saying that goes something like this, “People come into your life for seasons and reasons.” If a person’s season has passed then do we really need to extend it further than it is naturally necessary? The pictures, status updates, etc that keep us “in touch” with people we haven’t seen since as far as back childhood…what is this doing for us or to us? This does not even include those bad or embarrassing moments that are presented for everyone in the digital world to see…that could be hundreds or thousands of people depending on your privacy settings. Furthermore, do we really need to know how well that ex-boyfriend or friend that you fell out with is doing and how they appear to be totally unaffected by your absence in their life. Perhaps I am overanalyzing this, social networkers do have the option to remove people from their friends list as well as remove photos. But I wonder if these social networking sites are making it that much more difficult to move on. Just a thought…

Ms. Jas