Who Knew Hair Could be So Controversial

When I was younger I asked my mother, “Does it mean I want to be white because I wear a relaxer?” My mother replied, “No, you can wear your hair however the hell you want to!” I was maybe around 11 or so and I can’t recall what prompted me to ask her this question, probably some discussion at school…who knows?


Now I’m quickly approaching 27 and hair is still an issue. On December 18th, I will have officially been relaxer aka “creamy crack” free for one year. If you have been living under a rock, then maybe you have yet to notice the multitude of black women going “natural.” Someone goes “natural” when they have decided to stop chemically straightening their hair. For most, including myself, this is a huge decision because of current standards of beauty: long and straight. I considered going natural for about a year before I finally got the nerve to do it. I had the usual reservations: how would I look, will it effect how I am seen on my job, will men find me attractive, etc.


After waiting hours in the salon despite being on time for my appointment for the zillionth time, I finally decided to go natural. Once I made the decision, I didn’t turn back. Women make the decision for plenty of reasons. I made it because (a) I was bored with my hair-I loved my super cute and short ‘do, but after rocking it for about three years, I was bored; and (b) I was tired of being a slave to my hair-I stayed in the hair salon, it felt like a part-time job, then I would run from the tiniest bit of water or sweat…I was over it.

After confiding in my hair stylist, that I was worried about how I would look with natural hair, she said to me in a matter of fact sort of way, “You’re going to look like yourself.” It was at that moment, I felt like she hit me over the head with a can of V8. Like duh, why didn’t I think of that?! So I begin to make the transition from relaxed hair to natural hair.

Overall, I have received a lot of positive feedback during this journey. I’ve also gotten a lot of compliments from men and women. But it has truly been an eye-opening realization about some of the deep-seeded self-hate that continues to plague the black community. The sad part about it is that it’s so much apart of our mentality we don’t even notice that we’re saying something wrong. I am not against relaxing one’s hair. I did it for a very long time and I’m not saying that I will never do it again. I’m just saying that we still have some complexes concerning race. Among the compliments, I also meet a lot of women, who want to go natural, but are fearful of the response or are already natural, but wear weaves because there scared to rock their natural hair. To me that is not okay. It’s your hair; it grew out of your head. You should not be ashamed of something that is you.


Some of the comments I have heard this past year, mostly from other black people have been quite disheartening. A frequent question that I got when I told people I was transitioning (going natural) was, “What type of hair do you have?” People were really obsessed with my curl pattern. One woman in the hair salon I frequented stated that she didn’t have the ‘right type’ of hair to go natural. Or I got that look of horror as someone asked, “Why?”


Lately, my personal favorite has been the back-handed compliment. You know the one where the person really doesn’t have anything nice to say, but they don’t want to be mean or maybe they really are trying to be nice-nasty. One church member told me that she didn’t expect me to have that “quality of hair” and “that at least my hair wasn’t nappy.” Another one that I have gotten a couple of times is “I liked the ‘Monica’ look on you,” referring to the short hair cut I rocked previously.


I really wish we would stop subscribing to a standard of beauty that wasn’t created for us and realize that our differences are what make us great. One of the things I love about my hair is its versatility. I truly can wear my hair however the hell I want to. In the meantime, I will do just that ;-)

Ms. Jas